i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
