So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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