He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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