I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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