My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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