She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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