census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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