Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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