please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
