I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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