I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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