I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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