Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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