If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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