i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Youāre welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize