shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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