the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
