ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
