Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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