I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
