You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
