how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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