so that wasnt chicken after all
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
