I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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