lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
