At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize