What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
