Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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