i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
