so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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