i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
