woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
