How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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