Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
