Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What a dumb baby whore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
