five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How does one acquire holy water?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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