i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
