it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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