Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
