lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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