I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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