is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize