Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
