Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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