You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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