she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
