i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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