I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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