The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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