You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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