I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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