the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
