I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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