if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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