Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
