conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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