he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
