You're my little dorito
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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