just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
