I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
