I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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