im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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