She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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