Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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