He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
