I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
did i walk over a car last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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