I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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