sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
