I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
