just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize