i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
