fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
