after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
