our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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