So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
