Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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