I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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