I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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