so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
