Small penises have feelings too.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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