Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
