NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
