We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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