yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
