I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Enjoy the penises
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
