actually, I'm a sock model
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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