i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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