I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
