Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
