So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
