Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
