got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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