sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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