I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
