My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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