Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize