I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
