ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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