i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
