Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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