Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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