I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
