Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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