Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
