fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
