if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
