i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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