Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
