I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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