Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
