Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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